Category: journal: lessons to learn

Posted in a collusion of ideas, Collision: the work begins, Crafting Art, journal: lessons to learn, Not so ordinaries, UnknOwn Sister

Bear with me please

Posted on by arlee

Still been a hell of a year and 8 months, but i promise i am getting my ass in gear finally. After this amount of time and all the sadness and anger, i “caved” finally signed myself up for counselling, not talking to a friend counselling but the real deal with a therapist. Probably should have done 40 or more years ago. Whatever. I’m in.  Part of this is a combination of fear, anger and grief and part a dread of dementia. (Which i DO NOT have, but worry about anyways. I have made it clear to those who care that if that happens, i will not stick around to live through it. My decision.)

Anyways, i promised back in July to give teasers of fabrics for what i’m doing. It begins:

Above, from top: all cottons, Vermeer print layer 1, Gold striped pale coral underlayer, terra cotta jacquard pants.

Below: raspberry linen and Boho style gridded rayon–one top combined, one pants or skirt combined.

 

Below, Crushed grapes print Ankhara cotton with loud striped Ankhara cotton, pinny and pants!

Below, Glacier themed 20s flapper frock with ramie, stencilling and cracked ice lace.

Below, floofy top of some sort, full and fluffy, cottons, lime green linen (which will be coupled with apple green waffle cotton) for pants.

Below, combining plaids in colour, scale and feel for fun and funky tops, cottons.

A small collection below of cotton co-ordinates that can be mixed and mixed (HA, thought i was going to say mixed and matched, didncha?)

And there will be a line/collection/series of more feminine patterned items as well: lilies of the valley, roses, tulips, irises, wild flowers in cottons, rayon, cotton rayon blends and silk.

And laces and embroidered tulles and eyelet synthetics, rayons and cottons, because of all the fabrics i bought, my inner FouFou self took over and indulged herself in all the fripperies she could get her greedy little hoofies on!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I actually did one of my first social media “stories” for FB and IG but alas, the visual part got pretty much covered with the “caption” and even i wasn’t impressed with myself. Have to try that again, and may post it here as well  if i can remember how.

And a retirement of sorts after 15 years: i sold all of my natural dyes and assorted accoutrements that went with (pots, tools, gloves, etc etc etc) because i decided that if it had been sitting for almost 3 years in my studio and not being used, it would be better to get to someone who would love it. I have plans still to sell my dye books and HALF of my white dyeables. I’ve kept my Procion as i have plans for it. I will also at some point have the remainders of my naturally dyed fabrics for sale, economical small packs to tempt and tease. I originally had planned to do all this art wear WITH naturals but soon realized care of them and the bitching that would ensue (because no one listens to/reads the instructions) made it a foolish proposition. I’m not in this to fight anybody or try to solve problems caused by casual ignorance.

Part of posting all this is that i agreed to the therapist suggestion of setting achievable goals for myself. The above planned garments won’t all happen with a week or even a month, mostly because i have 11tybajillion other ideas as well. If i set myself on the track though, that’s my first step, and yeah Me. My BIG goal is to make enough coin to go to Europe next year, or maybe South America with my son. It’s also time to travel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Onward and upward. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Posted in Probably talking to just myself

Hello, hello hello!

Posted on by arlee

Well, hello there! Fancy you dropping by after so long!

This has been one hell of a year and 5 months and i am so bloody exhausted by being exhausted and not appreciating what i have and what has been given me. In the grand scheme of things, i will always miss my Beloved, but it is time to move on, and he would certainly want that. Grey Man treated me like a Princess, and it’s time to start acting like a Princess, the kind that is happy, balanced, creative, engaged productively with the world and ready to charge into the future with her eyes open, aware of the gifts of love and hard work that have brought her to this place, from her own hands and heart to those who have lent their caring hands and helping hearts, from Memory to Etherwaves to Real World.

My son has come back to me and i am thrilled to re-connect with him. He has helped, is helping me in enormous ways, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We have covered a lot of ground in talking and will keep on talking. I NEED him in my life. We are not going to dwell on the past because all we have is the now, though we have spoken of old days and n0w are past that point, because the future will take care of itself if we take care of the now, no WooWoo intended or expected.

Keep on keeping on, keep on trucking, as they used to say in the “olden days”!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have gone back to the REAL basics, ones i never learned in all my garment making years. Since i decided to re brand as a wearable art business: learning to draft my own patterns or adapt others and how to make slopers has been one hell of a curve. (Especially when some of the teaching aids haven’t been translated into English…) One really important thing i have learned from it is that there is no point in me jumping into the “sell a PDF pattern” as an adjunct biz. As much as i’d like to, A. i haven’t the patience to learn how to use Adobe that extensively (too freekin much math and i prefer the hand drawn aspect anyways of drafting) and B. i haven’t the patience to chart EVERY step, no matter how small, to write as instructions, and C (the most important) there is nothing new under the sun.

From studying the flats online of new pants patterns for example, they are all pretty much the SAME. Seriously same. Of course they are! I mean come on, we’ve got 2 legs, an ass, a crotch and a waist fitting in there, torso sticking out one end, feets out the others. That’s all that pants are. The world does not need another pants pattern from me. Kudos to the pattern makers out there already, but i’m not going to be one of the Club.

In a sense too, i didn’t HAVE to do all this new brain stretching work BUT my focus this time too is for curvier women than i clothed before (most were probably in the size 14-20 size range), and you can’t just add more seam line to a pattern to change a size 18 to a size 34. (I’ll be talking about that peeve/bugaboo/insult called “sizing” in a future post.)

Even if people never notice this, or don’t care, or i never get it perfectly, it’s wonderful to be making the brain work. My body is shit right now ( brace, knee operation or new knee in the not too distant future?), but the old vasty skull still has a sharp tenant keeping the lights on and the stair rails firmly attached.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have also discovered that the “style” i am doing/using/re-inventing/making with  in *my* way, is known as “dopamine dressing”.  I LIKE that. Big loud colours, huge scale florals, stripes, polka dots, bold graphics, simple shapes re-interpreted, nifty details (dare i say “nifty” without sounding bumpkin or disingenuous?), peculiar and idiosyncratic mixes of motif, colour and texture. OH YEAH BABY.

So, over the next few days, 2 weeks at most, i will be blasting photos of colour, pattern, mixes there-of and shapes, hopefully intriguing you to shop when i make my first “Drop”. (SHUDDER. I do not like that term: i am not dumping food, water, blankets or medical supplies from a “Helo”. I will be, as usual, posting listings.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, i will go dance, my new relaxation and stress release!

 

 

Posted in Probably talking to just myself, UnknOwn Sister

presumption averted? subverted/reverted/inverted/diverted

Posted on by arlee
 Sigh. Due to the postal strike in Canada, i have decided to put off the re-opening and rebranding of my small business until January 10, 2025. I can neither in good conscience charge my customers more for shipping by using more costly courier services, though i am not the one who benefits from this, nor can i absorb the costs myself. And quite honestly, the logistics involved is ridiculous. I support worker’s rights to strike and for a fair wage, but i am unwilling to trot my old body all over town laden with parcels, getting stuff to a drop off point/courier who then has to pass it off onto another courier  in my now common method of travel, an Uber! Those drivers are great but can easily become confused i find when you have multiple destinations, some of which seem to be nowhere in sight from the road you travelled in on…..
I will be uploading listings as i can before Jan 10th, but any order you make, should you do do in good faith, will be held until Canada Post is back on track and fulfilling their duties.

I’ve decided to use this 🍋 as a time to make more lemonade 😉

 Part of that reality is the fact that i kind of went bonkers buying fabric. (You have NO idea what i’ve spent, washed and folded and bundled into neat baskets on sturdy shelves.) I’ve bought only white for so many years now (for the natural dyeing), that i had no idea about the sheer scale of colour, motif, style, mood, even ethnicity of what is available now. I HAVE to use it up, or my end disposal will be a huge chrysalis of fabric bundled around a grey shriveled up old me hanging off the tallest tree in Kananaskis Country or plopped into a hole that could be misconstrued as the foundation space for a very very tall building, way in the middle of gawdz unknown for privacy, as you know that type of mysterious hidden structure is. OH MY GAWDZ, this is going to be fun!
By the way, while the URL (online address) will remain the same, that is FybreSpace at https://fibrespace.bigcartel.com/ but the header/banner will show ON the site as UnknOwn Sister. (That should be around Dec 1st as originally planned, and yes “o” is actually a zero “0”), just to confuse things. Never mind that unless you need to write the Brand  😂
Posted in Probably talking to just myself, UnknOwn Sister

presumption

Posted on by arlee

I have so many beautiful fabrics now in my “library”. I still haven’t found *exactly* what i was/am looking for. I could keep on buying and buying and while i love what i’ve amassed so far for Unknown Sister, it’s not going to be complete until i can do /find/make/buy what i precisely want.

But i did figure it out. And that’s what i’m doing, hoping it’s not going to slow me down too much for a Dec 1 “opening”. Some will be used as i bought them, perfect storm combinations. Others will be what i “see”.

HA.

WHY was i so dumb as to not think about the Annual Canada Post strike at Christmas season, which started today? I had planned a grand “Re-opening” of my shop, but with a new old slant (Used to do wearable art 20+ years ago) and of course, now, do i not only have to have enough to make it worth loading the shop, but not enough that it gets stuck in the mail. Trying to find alternate carriers is exhausting. Ah, the Joys of Small Craft/Art Business…….

Going to keep on, but not holding  my breath. I shot myself in the foot to begin with by waiting until too close to Christmas, but this kind of puts the gangrene in the first aid box, doesn’t it?

 

Posted in Deliberation--do something you don't do--or haven't in awhile, Probably talking to just myself, UnknOwn Sister

no purpose from fear

Posted on by arlee

Stepping into/back into something you’ve done before can still be frightening.

It’s nothing earth shattering. It’s not dangerous, or WooWoo. It’s not something that is going to take tough lessons to develop. It’s not something that someone else is going to feel is wrong, or that could damage things in intent and function.

Such drama! It’s not that dramatic but it is scary for me personally.

Since Vic died, i have kind of drifted from day to day. He truly was my anchor. One of my first Things i wanted to do was redecorate. I have gallons of paint, all the tools, wallpaper and i bought a new couch (an AWFUL one, more on that later), a dining set (bistro size ’cause there’s really only me and Last Cat won’t sit still at the table…), rugs and curtains and sheets. Hell, i even have Decor for the Loo, and who does that? I have also of course copious notes and sketches and colour samples   —–   and nothing has been done, except in my  head. Oh, in my head it is

GLORIOUS.

(By the way, and this is the last time i will say this because some say i sound defensive, as if i’m trying to “excuse” any unseen (to the world) behaviour and him not “allowing” these things. He would, he did but i never got to them because you know, Life. So fuck you if you thought i had a controlling husband while i played “good little wifey”. Construe what you like.)

AHEM.

I will get to the House Thing when i have got the Other Thing going, And this is the part that “afears” me.

Twenty plus years ago, i had a wearable art business. I’ve mentioned it a number of times, usually vaguely. Actually i had it in my mind at least 2 years ago to go back to it. At the time, it supported myself and my son, not richly, but comfortably enough. I had a base of customers on first a small island, and then later on a not so crowded coastal area. People knew me, in person. There was no web yet, that came at the end of my business.I specialized in what i would now call evening outer wear, though i did garments for day as well, and hats and bags and Christmas shelfshit too. Most of it was somewhat glitzy–i had a passion for the metallics and velvets and lame etc from Little India in particular at the time. My specialty was the smoothest machine applique in everything from florals and geometric to celtic and abstracts. And things had POCKETS.

First i thought of doing wearable art with the natural dyes and fibres. Still do-able, some will surface i am sure, but the way people care for things makes their care of natural dubious at best. I’m not going to fight somebody about returning cash for the pit Ph stains, the guacamole lemon rings on the lap, the faded folds from leaving something over the back of a chair. And yes, Maiwa does it beautifully. I can’t compete and don’t want to with that. Kudos to them for the quality, and their long enduringbusiness  model and ethics. I will as i said in a previous post, still dye cloth and threads for the artists out there, the ones who supported my little online biz for 15 years. THANK YOU, BLOSSOMS.

What i have designed and will make then is Fun Stuff. I HOPE you think it’s Fun Stuff. My fear is no one will like it. I’ve made it a stand too that most of my “line” will fit bodies that are curvier, rounder, luscious and sick to death of polyknits with kitties, sequins and dumb slogans printed on them. There will be elastic, ties and looseness. If you want something fitted, sorry, these are going to be comfy loose go to town, go to read or stitch on the couch, go to hell with what you “should” wear after 185 lbs/50+ years, but not sloppy tents. Some will fit “off the rack” sizes.

I like quirky details and bold colours and prints. I like mixing them, manipulating the fabrics, adding offbeat, vintage, unconventional, ethnic details. Honestly i went a bit wild buying fabrics, but i just couldn’t resist certain prints and patterns and colourways. I have a plenitude of goods to work with. And i NEED to be DOING again, something i enjoy, something others may will like and that is bright and happy.

I even refitted the big bedroom upstairs to be my main studio now. It’s bright, it’s “connected” and it’s ORGANIZED. The basement will be the secondary area, storage, a huge table for large pieces to be embellished and bookcases with books, beads, trims, notes, etc etc etc. I always felt cut off down there because of course there are no windows. I don’t care about the drywall or the concrete floor: WINDOWS WITH NATURAL LIGHT ARE CRUCIAL for creativity.

I’m planning on “opening” Unkn0wn Sister the end of November. Unfortunately it WILL be late for a lot of Christmas spending, but i can’t wait longer than that to get back into the pond. I’ll be giving some little visual hints until then to entice and lure (i hope 🙂 )

 

PS This post is an affirmation. By writing it all down, i HAVE to do it, or lose credibility/face/respect. Maybe i should get out the lipstick and write it on the bathroom mirror.

Well, SOME of it, the mirror ain’t that big.

 

Posted in Not so ordinaries, Probably talking to just myself

Tired of chasing my tail, ha, caught it!!!

Posted on by arlee

Dear Followers and Friends:

This has been a tough year for me, not only what i’ve shared publicly, but also behind the scenes. I’ve never figured myself for a delicate little flower type, but apparently i am. We all have different levels of bravery and ego and drive, and mine have been battered enough this year that i am changing my focus, or rather, dividing it into 3 parts.

In the autumn and winter i have decided i will concentrate on my wearable art interests with interesting commercial fabrics, simple shapes with unique treatments, sizing for “larger” women (and this is not a dig or body shaming because *I* am a “larger” woman, especially after this GD year) and bold colours. I’ve never done “winter colours” for any reason and see no need to go the dark, minimalist, almost dreary route–we need colour in the winter, perhaps more so if you’re in the Northern Hemisphere, suffer from SAD or just love brilliant and saturated luminosity!

In late spring and summer, i will return to my love of natural dyes, providing you with Mother Earth’s palette in the usual mixed packs and perhaps next year, some yardages.

Thirdly,  many many years ago, 45 to 50 of them actually (!), i painted. Though i enjoyed it a lot, I wasn’t very good, but it’s appealing to me again and i’d really like to if not be “serious”, at least be more diligent in learning and to have fun too.

Incidentally, my late Beloved NEVER EVER EVER stopped me from doing any of these things. He was *very* supportive, but as with any life there were too many times when you don’t get to do what you want to, because necessity and time demand other directions. These are decisions made now for a different lifestyle, one of being alone i’ve never experienced before. It’s up to me to be me, for me, about me. Not selfishly but self aware.

So, i haven’t abandoned the biz, or you, so please don’t abandon me. I’m in the process of washing fabrics, designing patterns, figuring out colour combinations and choosing styles and hope to start showing them next month. You may be tired of hearing “soon, next week, perhaps, maybe, hopefully, etc, but i WILL get there. I simply NEED as any of us do, *something* in my life that keeps me going, and i plan on going at least another 20 years!

Thank you those who have followed and those who have supported me on so many levels, whether with a purchase, or a kind word, or just the click of a “like” button. You’re all Peaches, Blossoms and the Bestests of people.

Posted in Probably talking to just myself

to everything turn

Posted on by arlee

There are definitely two of me right now. One is exhausted, can’t remember to wash her hair (did you know your hair can start to dreadlock in a week and a half?) or do laundry (because how do you wash what you have been wearing for two weeks if you are still wearing it?) I’ve been eating, yes, but rarely enjoying (does feed the cat though), haven’t stepped out of the house since the 27th of April when i sent a dear friend off to the airport to go home (i actually made it to the parking lot to do that) after she came out for 10 days to straighten me out, and the other is exhausted of being exhausted, of messes not cleaned up, of boxes and bags of fabric and dyes ordered but not touched, of fresh air not breathed in, back garden not tidied for a new season. Then i repeated all that but did  go out 2 days in a row when my son came out for a whirlwind weekend visit the 21st of June in which he did pretty  much what my friend had done and that i had let go of again…..

Did all of that make sense?

 

In January, we lost old Sally, the cat we inherited from MIL. In February, i lost my Beloved. In March, i lost my Mother. In April, Nessie the DogFaced Girl passed on.

 

 

The weekend that J was here (my darling son) we took the ashes of Sally, Nessie and Vic out to the mountains, and they were scatter-buried in the family plot, final rest spot: the Barr/McGuigan Mountain Heart Cemetery. Some of Vic went to the Ocean too where my boy lives.

Selena (Momma Cat) 2009, Miss Piggy (Minoux Cat) 2015, Moe (Big Boy Cat) 2017, Cosmo (Big Boy Cat #2) 2017, Sally (Duchess of Canterbury) 2024, Vic (My Beloved Beloved) 2024, Nessie (DogFaced Girl) 2024

Slapshot and i will join you when our time comes.

But, it IS a new season. A season of being alone, except in my memories. A season of resettling our home (which weirdly is now “my” home—at least i THINK it is, having still not heard back from the GD mortgage people….), of deciding that some of the studio can now move upstairs to a sunny bright big room. A season of adjusting to ONE person (me) and ONE animal (the cat) (Slapshot), rattling around in a 3 floor townhouse.

When i see the world get stupider and stupider, it’s best to go out in my very messy over grown garden and smell the roses. Literally.

This rose (a hybrid rugosa) was pretty last year. This year it’s verging on glorious-ness. You see, this is the one i sprinkled some of my Beloved’s ashes in at the base. They obviously love each other. The blooms are twice the size and frilliness, and the bush itself is twice the size of last year. The scent is sensuously strong and viscerally everything a rose should look like and smell like and be. A repeat bloomer, i’m hoping for roses lasting for a good summer run until the first frost.

 

“Therese Bugnet” was developed in the 40s for our growing zone (Oft Cruel 3) by an Alberta man who named them after his daughters. (There’s “Marie Bugnet” as well, a snowy white i’d like to find as well.) When i bought Therese, she was a barely there stick with 2 leaves in 2017. She suffered badly at the old house, never getting bigger than 1 and a half feet. No blooms. In this back yard since, every year she got braver. Maybe next year her size will be the 5wide by 7high and COVERED in blooms. She’s tough too–never had bugs, viruses, mold, nada. I kind of ignore her until she’s in bloom, minimal water and poking and fertilizer.
I sat out here yesterday for an hour in the gloom of a lousy summer. I was/am sad, but i felt my Beloved doing his awkward pat on the back. “Things will get better, Hon. They always do.”
And it IS also time to get off my Sorrowing Bazotski and be me again. I have over 100 yards of various fibre fabrics and many many bags and packages of magical plant potions to dye with, a billion ideas and 11tybajillion sketches to work from. It’s time to launch the wearable art business again. I will still be offering packets of mixed fibres and colours and threads and bits of trim for artist work by you, and you and you, but i’m going back to my main love and that was very limited edition wearable art for real bodies.
 Bear with me too, as things are still garbled in my brain, and tangled in my heart and hands. It’s been only 124 days since my Beloved passed away.
For the rest of my life I will search for moments full of you. Sam Cannon painting
Posted in Probably talking to just myself

no title

Posted on by arlee
Vic has a very aggressive lung cancer and is in the last stages of his life, however much time he has left. Tomorrow he will be home to be in some comfort and with myself and our remaining animals. At this point i do not want to talk a lot about it, as we are both overwhelmed. It’s enough to know that you are thinking of us, even if briefly.
I love and adore my Greyman, my soul mate, my rock.
Posted in Probably talking to just myself

Life doesn’t come with sum ups

Posted on by arlee

But after almost 2 years of not posting, i want to make sure everyone knows i’m still here, and still “doing things”. Sort of. No pics though.

It hasn’t been great. My mother has broken both hips in the last year, so with also a knee replacement, she is now the Bionic Woman, from the waist down at least. Currently, she is in hospital for the second hip replacement (tripped over the dog’s work, a chewed up rug…) but does not sound like herself and is “trapped” there until the 1st of February at least. First hip operation a year ago she was home the next day and moving around, this time i think she’s going to give up……

Greyman and i have spent the last year trying to figure out why we both feel like utter shit after quitting smoking. Aren’t we supposed to feel better??????? It’s been 15 months, neither of us cheated, but guess what? We have pneumonia, mine barely negligible, his enough to put him in the hospital at the moment, short of breath, also as they have discovered, severely anemic and with an ulcer or two. He’s been there 3 days and will be for at least another 2 weeks, and i miss him and i’m scared for him. He has a breath exerciser and a liquid diet, which means when he gets to come home, he’ll probably weigh as much as a stick. But he will be a breathing stick at least.

Oh yeah, and through my own self neglect, i am pre-diabetic. I love food so this sucks. I’m still learning what the fuck the difference is between healthy food and not healthy because i thought i WAS eating healthy……………..

We do wonder though why for the duration so far of our no-more-smoking lifestyle, both of us have been EXHAUSTED. We’ve had weekends for months when we would get up at 9, go back to bed at 11, get up at 3, back to bed at 5, up at 8 and then back in bed by 10, both of us sleeping like the proverbial log. We tried “happy pills”, but anti depressants made it worse, so stopped those. Still a fricking mystery. The Lizard Brain (the one/part responsible for addiction, pleasure and stubborn-ness) is NOT pleased at all. Asshole.

The cat we “inherited” (from his late Mom) died a month ago in the closet, all curled up and passed away in her sleep. Sally was my Duchess of Canterbury, the sweetest, gentlest, quietest kitty i’ve ever had. I miss her sleeping on me, and i mean ON me–i was a hammock for her, always with the little cold piddies and tummy on me.

Haven’t gardened for 2 years.

We did drive back to Ontario (almost 7000K round trip) the summer of 21 to see what’s left of my family, 2 brothers and my Mom. First time they had met Greyman, and we all got along wonderfully.

I’d had great plans for the Christmases of 21/22/23 (Holy shit, thought it was 2 of them, not 3…), dyed and collected all the stuff together with my sketches and patterns and trims and beads—–and did NOTHING.

Took a print dye class online in 21, did nothing with it. GOOD class though regardless of my non results.

I’ve been planning on creating a wearable art line again, have accumulated the necessary fabrics, drawn up the patterns and collected the raw materials for dyeing—-lots of ideas and sketches, not even any prep on fibres done yet. MUST GET OFF ASS AND GET AT IT. I DO want to do this, seriously. Really. Really i DO. I loved it when i had my wearable art business in the 90’s.

Taking another print and dye class currently, more comprehensive and “glamorous” (YES i WANT “Glamorous” results and will have them.)

FB and Instagram are my main entertainments these days, though i do keep up on the ocassional blog, so i know what most of you are doing. Waving madly at you, hi, hi, hi.

So, bets on when i post again?