Category: journal: lessons to learn

Over the last couple of days, i have been watching Textileartist.org‘s “Creative Stamina” series, a collaboration in video with the esteemed Jane Dunnewold.

Finding time is the biggest obstacle most say. I DO have the time though–it’s forcing myself into the stoodio, forcing myself to get to work. I stand at the worktable lost (sometimes in ideas, most often underwhelmed) and can’t focus on anything. Is it the mess? Is it my too busy brain? Is it the mess *in* my brain? I have the techniques and tools i need, so it’s not that blocking me, i don’t wish for more materials or “skills”. I don’t listen to anyone else’s criticism about my work, or personal habits, so it’s not that either. (In fact, i have no one to do, who does do that. Lone blogger, lone artist, despite being in several textile oriented groups…..NOT a bad thing.)

Am i losing my passion, my commitment? Rarely do i have OMG moments anymore, for my own current WIPs or for work posted by others elsewhere. I love pretty much everything i have done, just not what i am doing….

More often these days, i feel i am pissing into the wind, as they say. Other times i felt like this, it was PAINFUL. This instance however, i bore myself–what the hell is going on? I acknowledge that after every big project is completed, that i am lost, anxious, sad even, but this? Is there a point to going on? Is there a going on?????? I don’t mean any of this as a pity party either: it could be a stoppage has occurred for a reason, a reason that will have me chortling when i figure it out. I have goals, deadlines, intent, but no purpose.

I’M NOT WHINING. I’m not even ranting as i used to do. I am truly puzzled. It’s like climbing a ladder and suddenly there are four steps missing before i can reach the 5th one up. My legs aren’t that long, and i ain’t that agile anymore.

When you’ve been doing the same thing for several years, it’s hard to change direction! I have a recognizable style i work in now, but wanting to push it further, i’m finding myself gravitating back to the same things/methods/”words”. We all have approaches that for us are trued and true, with few variances: that can be a good thing in the beginning, but when it becomes second nature to do JUST that, it gets rather predictable IMHO.

I happily overdyed a rusted scrap yesterday and was enthralled with the results.

Because it was a scrap, i just played a bit, but soon realized after a couple of hours of embroidery, that it was still predictable and had nothing to do with the main subject matter. I like the look, i like the shape, but it wandered far from what i had wanted to express again, especially after adding the black dots…………

SIGH. I can, probably will pick them out, as cotton is more forgiving than silk, but it will go into the pile of aborted samples. The fabric is perfect for the end intention, the stitching not so much.

Somehow i need to let go of the calcuable, subconscious response that is so locked in. As the saying goes “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.” Obviously, i need to spend more time thinking than doing with the start of this one.

I have a series of deadlines to meet with this project, the first (April 4th) being photos of the smaller, saleable works that will go in the gallery shop. Maybe i should just switch to them as the main stitch focus right now, while my subconscious re-arranges itself. Back to the sketching, painting, paper ripping, pasting, scribbly notes drawing board…………

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I’m slowly adding links and content to the new blog—galleries will be filled, friend’s links on the side bar, maybe some new things. Decorating is hard work.

After the wondrous feeling of completing two long held UFO’s, i thought i’d work on something small, “easy” and colourful yesterday.

Ha. What a bomb. I had an idea in my head, but essentially only wasted time, precious hand dyed threads and a gorgeous piece of silk for nothing. If it doesn’t please, there is no point. Some would look on it as a lesson learned, a sample that might be valuable for future reference, but nope. I *do* believe in sampling now, and *have* some fabulous results that stemmed from them, but they’re simply not all going to be that Next Big Thing. (Yeah, yeah, they’re not all supposed to be, but like the three year old’s scribbles, you only keep the ones that actually show something. Seriously, not all scribbles are created equally, admit it.)

What i should have done is some actual thinking and planning. Instead i let myself be lured by colour combinations without thinking of the final look of stitch and design. Okay, that IS a lesson learned then. We all work at our own speed and desire to make–don’t circumvent your own processes! I “wasted” two hours on this little piece, time that could have been spent going through my own levels, instead of wanting a fast fix. And i say “wasted” because while all work has value, all work is not valuable when you spend so much time on the trivial. I simply can not make “little pretties”. I appreciate the work and commitment some put into these precious objects, but it’s not for me anymore. They no longer have any meaning to me–how many pincushions/needlekeeps/journal covers/ornaments/bags/tchochkes do you really Need?

So all i did was create more Shelf Shit. That’s the collection of things you think are worthy of accumulating dust because they are “themed”, that everyone gives you as an easy gift because you “like blue glass in the shape of celestial piglets”, and that somewhere down the road are given away after all because all they do is collect dust……Stoodios work the same way—we all have Shelf Shit we need to divest ourselves of. Don’t make more.

I could particularly kick myself because i DO have an idea i want to explore, a piece that is similar but different to what i have already done. Instead i obstacled myself, put crap in the path to trip over. I should have just jumped in and started–i’ve had the idea for weeks, i *know* what i want to do, say and how it will work, i could have sampled for that, but oh no, let’s futz around instead. (Actually, i don’t/didn’t even need to sample first because that was done when i started “A Birth of Silence”. That sample was good for a LOT of future work!)

Time is valuable in this house. (Not that it isn’t in yours too.) I work part time, and look after the house and garden, animals and Significant Other. (Yes, you do too.) I am lucky enough to have three 3 day weekends a month to work on things, including all of the above. If i don’t use them to advantage, i end up with the half days where i am more focused on getting ready for work, wondering if i pulled something out of the freezer for supper, stressing about Big Client needs at work, and wasting more time, than actually working in the stoodio.

Oh dear, there goes more time: i just wrote a blog post about wasting time, wasting more time.